Dallas Season 1, Episode 4

"Winds of Vengeance"
4/23/78

In the most challenging role of his career, Brian Dennehy guest stars as a fat guy!

The episode opens with a hungover JR and Ray Krebbs waking up in a seedy motel in Waco. Not with each other, but rather in the arms of a couple of naked ladies! They two men realized that they both have a taste for nasty pussy and have decided to join forces. With the sun up, they decide to make a hasty get away, but JR leaves a business card on the floor. Brian Dennehy is out looking for his wife, whom he suspects was out whoring. He was right, she WAS whoring. But the question is: With whom? Well, she doesn't want to talk so he slaps the shit out of her. He finds JR's business and promises that he and his brother in-law will have their VENGEANCE!

Ray is driving JR home when they hear that a hurricane is a comin'. They make some jokes about how crazy Waco chicks are. This is like at least 15 years pre-Branch Davidian, so, yeah.

Miss Ellie is sick in bed, Sue Ellen makes her some soup. Miss Ellie tells Sue Ellen they should be nicer to Pam. Sue Ellen says JR doesn't agree. Miss Ellie is all SHE'S MARRIED TO MAH BOBBY, SHE'S PART OF THIS HERE FAMILY. Bobby hears about the hurricane and calls home. He tells Pam to be careful. Sue Ellen tells the girls to get ready to secure the ranch. Bobby tells Jock they need to get home. Jock tells Bobby they're going to go hang out with Punk Anderson and the boys instead.

Dennehy and his bro plan on working up a #6 on the Ewing girls as a way of revenge. JR and Ray get home, JR grabs a beer, ignores Sue Ellen and heads upstairs. Dennehy and his bro knock on the door and ask to use the phone. This is their way of getting in! Lucy eye fucks the shit out of Dennehy's bro, whose name happens to be Allan. Dennehy's character is named Rick. Rick pretends to have a phone call with a tow truck driver. Sue Ellen heads off to make some sandwiches while Lucy leads Allan off to start a fire in the fireplace to match the one burning in her panties. Lucy flirts with Allan. Lucy confirms that JR and Ray were in Waco last night, proving they were responsible for the bonings the night before. Pam walks in with Lucy and is introduced to Rick and Allan. Pam seems a bit... suspicious of the house guests.

Bobby hears the weather service saying that the storm is worse than expected. He calls home to the ranch, where JR tells him that the two strangers are going to help he and Ray round up the strays and secure the livestock. Lucy, being the pig headed cunt that she is, insists on helping. They hop on horses and save the herd! The camera effects used to simulate a hurricane are archaic, even by late 70's standards. Ray gets thrown from his horse and is injured! Not often you see the fucking ranch FOREMAN get tossed like a chump. They load Ray up into the back of the truck and get him back to the house.

Sue Ellen goes to check on Miss Ellie. Miss Ellie wants to get out of bed, but Sue Ellen tells her to rest. The truck pulls up and they get out and carry Ray into the house. As they tend to Ray, Allan goes and locks the door. Turns out "Rick" is really named Luther, and he and Allan are here to have their way with the Ewing ladies! They pull out their guns (pistols, not dicks)! JR offers them money, but they don't want to no money. They want PUSSY. Ray cracks wise and Luther knocks his hat off, which is apparently the greatest insult to a cowboy. Chris LeDoux sang a song about it, look it up. The phone rings and the rapists select Pam to answer it. She tells Bobby that everything is fine, even though it isn't. She tells Bobby that she and JR are about to play a game of backgammon. Bobby's crap detector goes off. He knows JR would never play backgammon with Pam, and also Pam doesn't even know HOW to play backgammon! Bobby and Jock decide to head home after all.

Luther and Allan are having a hard time picking which of the Ewing snatches that they want to violate. Luther tells JR that he knows he fucked his wife because they found his business card in her hotel room. Sue Ellen looks like she's about to shit her pants. Allan starts to make out with Sue Ellen. JR stands up and gets pistol whipped by Luther. Ray tries to help but gets kicked in his bad leg. Miss Ellie comes downstairs to find out what's going on. Another vagina enters the equation!

Traffic is at a stand still because of a car accident. Bobby and Jock get out and help move the cars. This afternoon backgammon game just doesn't sit right with Bobby!

Allan makes JR tie Ray up in the kitchen. Miss Ellie tells Luther that he better gtfo because now he's fucking with Jock Ewing's family. Allan finds a picture of Sue Ellen from her Miss Texas days. Luther gets a great idea! They're going to make Sue Ellen wear her bathing suit and Miss Texas sash. Allan is having a hard time choosing, so Lucy offers up that Pam used to date Ray before she married Bobby. Allan says since Pam was a normal person like them that he doesn't want to fuck her. So it looks like Lucy is going to have sex against her will for a change!

Luther returns and makes "Miss Texas" sing for everyone.

Jock and Bobby pull up to Southfork and see the Bang Bros truck on the side of the road. In it is a map of Braddock, Texas and JR's business card! There is something going on here! They race to the house!

Sue Ellen sings "People" by Barbara Streisand, dressed in a bathing suit with her Miss Texas sash, crying as her saggy tits try to break free with each note. It's an image you can never unsee, try as you may. Luther rips her sash off, apparently stripping her of her title of Miss Texas. Pam tells Luther that Allan said his wife wasn't raped at all, but that she was just trying to get her fuck on. He becomes distraught.

Bobby and Jock pull up to the house and decide to enter the through the back door because the front door is locked. Luther is now having an internal debate. He no longer wants to fuck a Ewing. Allan on the other hand still wants to get down. Ray tells Bobby and Jock what's going on. They sneak in, and just as Allan is about to take Lucy out for the mother of all grudge fucks, Jock KO's his punk ass. Bobby grabs Allan's gun and KO's Luther. Jock is about to call the cops but Miss Ellie says they have to let them go. Jock tells them to gtfo or he'll kill their asses. Sue Ellen is still crying, Jock is still wanting answers, Ray is still limping and Bobby and Pam are just happy to see each other. JR tries to cover Sue Ellen with a coat, but she wants no part of it. Ray and JR share a look of HUH, THAT DIDN'T QUITE GO DOWN HOW WE PLANNED. And thus apparently ends the glorious, but short lived JR and Ray alliance for poon chasing. Brandon Green made an excellent point that although Miss Ellie demanded that Jock let them go, it's nice and easy to imagine JR having Allan and Luther killed a little while later.

PEOPLE RAY PUNCHED: None
PEOPLE WHO BONED: JR and Luther's wife, Ray and some slut
MEMORABLE JR QUOTE: JR: "Boy, I wish I could sleep in a car." Ray: "We'll be home in an hour." JR: "No rush." Ray: "The hands are all off. Fiesta day." JR: "Well, there's nothing to do around there anyway We work our butts off selling them cattle. No one is going to begrudge us a good time." Ray: "Wanda and Marylou (chuckles). Wonder how them broads get that way sometimes." JR: "Just like us. Lookin' for a goooood time." Ray: "They found it."