DALLAS, Season 1, Episode 3

"Spy in the House"
4/16/78

In the first two episodes we don't really get to see what a piece of shit JR Ewing is. Episode 3 is his coming out party. There is a lot of construction going on in the offices of Ewing Oil. JR comes out of his office and flirts with his slut secretary Julie, who is apparently a former flame of his that he bangs once in a while. Bobby tells JR that there's too much commotion so he's going to take the magical "Red File" home to study it. JR tells him it's not a good idea but he does it anyway. Julie walks Bobby out to his faggot car and Bob mentions that things would've been better if JR married her instead. Bobby walks away and Cliff Barnes sees her and runs after her. He spits game at her and she's all OH GEE, I DUNNO, MY BOSS HATES YOU HEHEHEHEHE. Cliff gives her his number and leaves.

Jock is playing gin with one of his friends, Senator Orloff, and tries to come up with a plan to get rid of Cliff. They both agree that he is an absolute son of bitch and must be dealt with.

Bobby pulls up to Southfork in his faggot car. Jock tells Bobby to go over the "Red File" with a fine toothed comb to see if there is anything Barnes can use against them. Bobby gets to work and Pam walks in. Pam talks him into taking a look at their new home at Southfork. The "Red File" slips behind the couch. Oops.

Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie pull up. Miss Ellie is happy to see them. Sue Ellen is a bitch. Sue Ellen walks into her room and pulls out a new piece of lingerie that she bought in hopes of fucking JR. JR gets home from work and Sue Ellen walks out wearing a towel. She tries to seduce JR. He ignores her. He looks at her new piece of sex clothes and then looks at the price tag and is all WOW, YOU SPENT TOO MUCH ON THIS. Sue Ellen asks him for coitus and is turned down. JR is legit repulsed at the thought of fucking his wife, which is understandable because she looks like a pre-op tranny. Sue Ellen begs and pleads with him for some bone times. JR gets the fuck out and heads to Julie's shit hole apartment. JR flat out tells Julie that he has no interest in fucking his wife. JR tells her how much he wants Julie and that she's the only woman he can talk to. Julie tells him that they can't keep being fuck buddies like this because she's sick and tired of having breakfast alone. JR grabs her and kisses her firmly. They end up fucking. JR sees a birthday card and is all OH SHIT, I DONE FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY! Julie asks him to stay till morning so she won't have to eat breakfast alone. He says he can't stay and then makes out with her some more. Then, just as Julie thinks she has him all ready for another round, JR straight up pulls a Ted Dibiase and drops a hundy on her and tells her to go and buy herself something real nice. Fucking pimp. Julie gets all mad and then grabs Cliff Barnes number and gives him a call. Julie tells Cliff that she's ready to go to dinner with him... and she's BUYING ::camera pans to JR's $100 bill::

Bobby is in a meeting with Jock and JR and tells them that there's a possible link between Ewing Oil and the senator. Jock demands proof. Bobby goes to show him, only to find that he's left the "Red File" at home! He calls Pam and asks her to bring it to the office. Pam finds it agrees to bring it.

Pam pulls up to the office in Bobby's faggot car. She hands the file to Julie and goes in to see Bobby. Julie looks at the files and starts hatching a plan.

Julie ends up back at Cliff's place. Cliff pours her a drink and asks why she called all of a sudden. She doesn't want to talk about that, so instead they fuck. In the morning she leaves Cliff a copy of a deed showing that Ewing Oil owns a second loan on Senator Orloff's house, $50000 that has never been collected. This is a bad thing for the Ewings. Then Julie leaves Cliff to have breakfast by himself.

Cliff is surrounded by the media, happier than a pig in shit. He's making accusations that the senator is in bed with the Ewings. One of JR's cronies sees this goes down and calls his ass. At the breakfast table JR goes ballistic, accusing Pam of leaking the paper to her brother. Jock is pissed. Miss Ellie is stunned. Lucy is indifferent. Bobby is ANGRY. JR and Bobby yell at each other and Miss Ellie demands they stop! Jock sides with JR without saying a word. No one sides with Bobby. Bobby runs outside to Pam. She cries and Bobby tells her to pack her bags, they're leaving Southfork. He asks her if it's possible that someone could've possibly taken it. She says no. Pam tells Bobby she'll ask Cliff where he got. She drives Bobby's faggot car to Cliff's place.

Cliff ain't talking. The way he sees it if he busts the Ewings and ruins Pam and Bobby's marriage it's a double win. Julie calls him and is all WHOAAAA YOU DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE GOING TO DO ALL THIS CRAZY SHIT, MAN. Cliff tells her they'll talk about it tonight.

Jock and JR decide that they have to call in Orloff's debt to get themselves off the hook. They send Bobby to break the news to him. Bobby tells him that they're coming collecting, but they'll loan him the money the next day. In order for this to work, however, Orloffl is going to have to resign. Orloff takes it pretty well, but as he leaves he asks how Cliff got a hold of the trust deed.

Pam tells Bobby that Cliff ain't talking. Pam mentions that she gave the file to Julie, but Bobby can't believe she did it. They promise to go to the office first thing in the morning to figure it out.

Cliff and Julie are walking home from their date. They argue about what Cliff did. Cliff says Orloff is a crook. Julie says he was OK.

Pam insists that Julie had to have done it. Bobby says no, because she's JR's DL cum dumpster. They go through Julie's Rolodex and see Cliff's new, unlisted number! Pam calls and is all WE NEED TO TALK. I'M COMING OVER! Julie decides to make herself scarce. Cliff hears that Orloff is resigning and is ANGRY! He wanted to see Orloff get publicly crucified and that he was the key to taking down the Ewings. Julie is all OH MY, YOU REALLY DO HATE THE EWINGS! and she runs off to the bathroom. Pam is in Bobby's faggot car, parked outside Cliff's apartment. Cliff tries to convince Julie that they can still fuck and all, but she's done with him. She walks out and is confronted by Pam. Pam tells her that she had to have taken the "Red File".

Bobby confronts JR and tells him that Julie is the spy. JR doesn't believe him. Julie walks in and tells him she's the spy. JR asks why. She said that Cliff fucked so good that he deserved a reward. JR is dumbfounded.

Bobby tells the family that no one defended Pam. Pam tries to say it was OK. Lucy cracks a joke. Everyone smiles. Lucy insists that JR apologize and give her a kiss. JR does so, but looks even more awkward than when he kisses his tranny wife.

People Ray punched: none, he wasn't even in this episode
People who boned: JR and Julie, Cliff and Julie x2
Memorable JR quote: "Cliff Barnes is holding a news conference... RIGHT NOW. He's got a document in his hand... a copy of Orloff's second trust deed. Straight from the files my little brother "forgot" to put in his attache case yesterday. The files that his lovely wife so graciously brought to us in Dallas, where, incidentally, she had lunch with her brother, Cliff Barnes. Now I wonder how Cliff Barnes got a hold of that document. There's a spy in the house."