Dallas Season 1, Episode 2

"Lessons"
4/9/78

There's snow on the ground at Southfork Ranch. Lucy rides her trusty steed down to the mailbox where she burns a letter from her school intended for Jock and Miss Ellie warning them of their granddaughter's shitty attendance. Bobby is in the midst of teaching Pammy how to ride a horse. He offers to postpone the lesson if she'll agree to go back to the house for a quickie. She turns him down. PWNED. Ray and one of the ranch hands are bitching about who should have to take Lucy to school. Bobby tells Ray to quit being a bitch and do his job. Ray's all like YEAH, THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA but Bobby insists. Way to go Bobby. Bobby tries to talk Pam into a quickie AGAIN only to get shut out. At the breakfast table Miss Ellie and Jock are bitching about Lucy sucking at school and skipping breakfast. JR makes small talk because he can. Ray pulls up to take Lucy to school and you just KNOW nothing good can come of it. Pam tries to invite Sue Ellen to hang out with her only to get blown off. Ray practically begs Pam to talk Bobby into not firing his ass, which wasn't even on his mind... yet. Lucy hops into Ray's truck with bad intentions. Miss Ellie talks to Pam about how obvious Lucy makes it that she is ditching school. This begs the question: What in the fuck is Miss Ellie doing that is so goddamn important that SHE can't drop Lucy off at school. Miss Ellie tells Pam the tale of how Lucy's dad, Gary, was a bitch made chump who JR ran off, leaving her and Jock to raise Lucy and that's why she's a spoiled ass bitch.

Lucy asks Ray to take her to a new disco in town. Ray says no. Lucy tells Ray he knows she's not taking him to school and starts rubbing his cock. Ray resists for all of 10 seconds before throwing it in reverse so he can go off to bang Lucy. That's just wrong. Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie leave Pam alone at the house. Lo and behold, Lucy's school calls to say she ain't there. Pam is NOT pleased. She heads on down to the hayloft where she finds the two and is all like RAY, GET DOWN HERE PLZ. GO TAKE A HIKE SO I CAN TALK TO LUCY. Lucy gives Pam a punch of lip and Pam is all LET'S GO TALK TO YOUR GRANDPA and Lucy is like OH SHIT, NO. I'LL GO TO SCHOOL, I GUESS.

Bobby notices that JR's been doing some heavy handed shit and wants to know how and why. JR's slut secretary blows some smoke up his ass and then warns JR.

Lucy finally ends up at school. One of her teachers pulls her and Pam aside and tells her that this is her last chance and that she needs to come to his office after her last class. He tells Pam that he'll do whatever he can to help Lucy graduate. Meanwhile, Lucy is flirting with a shit load of dudes. Slut. Some dude comes up to her and spits game at her and is all like HEY, I SEE YOU SUCK AT MATH. I'M GOOD AT MATH. WE CAN LIKE WORK TOGETHER. Then Pam shows up and cock blocks. Pam gives Lucy some new clothes. Lucy tosses them out the window of Bobby's faggot car. Pam makes her pick them up. She's trying to break her like a wild horse. Pam drops Lucy off at the house and heads over to the stables to bitch at Ray again. She tells him in no uncertain terms that he's done fucking Lucy. Ray's all YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT JEALOUS THAT YOUR OLD BOYFRIEND IS FUCKING A YOUNG CHICK? and Pam's like DON'T TRY ME.

Bobby, whose been waiting all day to talk to JR, is told that JR already left for the evening. At this point Bobby finally realizes that JR is AVOIDING HIM.

Lucy is walking around her room in her bra and panties. Then she gets a shit eating smirk and grabs a pair of scissors and starts cutting the sleeve on one of her shirts. That little bitch has hatched a scheme of some sort!

The next day at school Lucy is in her teacher's office doing her work when she freaks out and rips the sleeve off of her shirt and screams that the teacher tried to grab her. She takes off running and the teacher realizes his goose is cooked. The math nerd who was hitting on her earlier saw this go down and knows the TRUTH. The teacher is begging the principal to believe him. Principal is like LOL, NOPE. Pam says on Monday she'll get Lucy down her and will straighten all this out.

At Ewing Oil Bobby finally gets some face time with JR. Bobby tells JR he wants to know his secrets. JR tells Bobby that while he was out banging cheerleaders and playing football JR was basically Jock's house nigger, learning the business. He then tells Bobby that he runs Ewing Oil the way he wants to run it and that it's none of his damned business. And Bobby's like WHATEVER.

Pam finds Lucy and calls her out on her little scam. Lucy tells Pam she'll tell the principal it was all a lie if Pam promises to cover for her with Miss Ellie and Jock. Pam is like YOU BITCH! During dinner that night Lucy gets a call from Math Virgin who extorts her into going on a date with him at the NEW DISCO she wanted Ray to take her to. She's not pleased.

Jock and Miss Ellie are playing backgammon and asks to go on a date with a boy. Sue Ellen is all THAT'S NOT VERY GENTLEMEN LIKE but Jock let's her go anyhow. Pam is brushing her hair out of anger. Bobby's like WHAT'S WRONG? Pam tells Bobby and Bobby's like WELL, YEAH, MY FAMILY KINDA SUCKS LOL LET'S GO OUT DANCING AT THE NEW DISCO! Uh oh, shit's about to get real!

D & D Boy picks up Lucy and tries to make out with her. Lucy is all EWW NO, and he's like I'LL TELL and she's like LET'S GO TO THE NEW DISCO THEN WE'LL FUCK AFTERWARD.

The new disco is jumpin'. People are doing all sorts of obscure dances wearing weird ass clothing. They even play a disco mix of the Dallas theme song! Lucy sees Ray there and is all RAY, YOU GOTTA HELP ME. Pam and Bobby are dancing their asses off. Then Pam and Bobby see Ray and Lucy and Bobby is like AWW HELL NAW. Lucy is practically begging Ray to help her get out of this date. Bobby runs over and punches the shit out of Ray before he can explain. Ray tells Bobby that he deserved that one, but if he wanted any more they could step outside. Bobby said NAW, WE COOL. Pam tells Lucy and Nerd Fag that come Monday morning they're going to tell the truth. Lucy has at last been defeated. Lucy simply can't believe that Pam really cares for her! Bobby grabs Lucy and is all YOU BETTER GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE NICE TO MY WIFE. Lucy resists! Bobby insists! Finally, Lucy's rough exterior cracks and it appears at last that she will finally accept the fact that Pam does indeed care for her! Another lesson learned at the disco!

PEOPLE WHO BONED: Jock and Miss Ellie
PEOPLE WHO RAY PUNCHED: No one, although he did eat a right cross from Bobby
MEMORABLE JR QUOTE: "I've had to make decisions and I've had to make deals that the man who runs this company has to make. That's my business and mine alone. And as long as I'm running this company, Bobby, that's the way it's going to stay. That answer your question?"